The Ring Master Steps Up ...

Today we took the kids and had their pictures made by a professional photographer.  This is a lot like a three ring circus.  Clark Kent is the Ring Master.  The photographer is the Lion Tamer.  Wrangling four children to sit still, look the same way and smile at the same time is a trick of the eye.  Let me add that I was a bit stupid and got Little Frog his 2 month shots today just prior to the photo shoot.  Hey, I don’t claim to be the brightest crayon in the box, not by several shades. 

The Ring Master controls the children, and their reaction to the Lion Tamer.  It’s actually amazing to watch.  I stood there like a padawan watching a Jedi Master work.  He posed, he pacified, he acted like a buffoon to make them laugh.  Ring Master.  Amazing performer.  Clown.  These are all things that are required of great dads.  We survived.  They smiled, they laughed at Daddy, and the photographer captured their angelic nature.  It’s amazing how angelic children look in a still photograph.  You don’t see the crying, running around like crazy, screaming and general chaos that happens around that one moment of angelic grace.  I have great admiration for those crazy people with a bajillion kids, especially quintuplets or sextuplets or whatever they call those litters of children these days.  They are insane.  They like self punishment.  But to get all those precious children to look at the camera and hold still at the same time – that’s magic.  Or tranquilizers.  They might just have a Benadryl mist that they spray continuously into the photo studio.  And I’m sure that there’s lots of wine involved for the parents.  Or valium.  Or both.  I’ve often said that Mimosas and Bloody Marys were invented by stay at home moms.  Xanex was invented by moms of multiple kids.  Or people who watch Rachael Ray.  They might have invented it.

I love you Rachael.  But your voice is the leading cause of insanity in your hometown.  Look it up.  It’s got to be true.  I watch.  When the TV isn’t on Super Why.  For the first time today I pondered why the audience claps when she presents food.  Why?  Are we clapping because the food looks good?  We aren’t going to get any.  Are we clapping because she didn’t set the studio on fire?  I like to think that the audience is more like trained seals.  “See the food? See it? It looks so good doesn’t it? Smell the food. Yummy.  Clap for the food people! CLAP!” And they do.  They know they can’t have any.  They can barely see what’s going on.  They know it was prepared hours ago.  But they clap for it.  Hurray for “APPLAUSE” signs.  Turning people into seals.  All for Rachael.  I need some trained seals.  I already have the Ring Master.