Thursday, March 31, 2011

Long live the Queen

I have joked about the future wife of Prince William.  But I do pity her.  I'm not sure if Kate Middleton ever ponders what she's getting herself in to.  She's going to be Queen of England one day.  Every move she makes will be followed.  Every outfit scrutinized.  Every social engagement gossiped.  Heck, even her bowel movements will probably be recorded.  Who wants that job?  Because you know its there.  "I work at the palace." "Oh yeah, what do you do?" "I keep track of the Queen's BMs.  Got to make sure she's regular."

Okay, okay, probably not.  But she is going from a 'normal' British citizen to eventually becoming the most well known figure in England.  So, how do we as Americans celebrate that?  Make a commemorative doll, of course!  A wedding doll!  But why wait until the wedding?  The secret wedding.  Well, parts of it.  Namely the wedding gown.  Its a special one of a kind dress.  Now we all know that Kate doesn't get a say in any of it.  Just as Diana didn't (I'm guessing).  From the moment she and the Prince got engaged, she became a living paper doll.  So let's dress her up.  This advertisement got a huge laugh from me.  For so many reasons.  So I wanted to share it with you.

"We're going to make a doll.  That's the most American way we can show we approve of the marriage.  With tchotcke."
"We use words like 'museum quality' to trick you into validating the price"
"We want to remind everyone that she was a no one, but in a nice way.  We're calling her an 'enchanting commoner' because 'white trash' was both taken and distasteful."
"We have no idea what her wedding gown will look like, but if we had to guess, this gown from 5 years ago would definitely be it."
"We're going to remind you how secret the designs are so you'll think we're so clever later.  So clever that we think you'll pay $159 for something that may or may not look like the picture you see here."
"Advanced Reservations now being accepted" -- as though they weren't planning this all along.  And as though later you won't be able to buy one of the million they're making.

Making over priced crap to sell to commemorate an event is normal.  But to do it as a "this is what we will do most likely because we aren't even sure what we're talking about" pre-sale.  That's just genius.  Why?  Because people will buy it. You've got your credit cards out already.

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